My Testimony

     Love. Grace. Sovereignty. These three words define the journey of my life. My story is one that hasn't always made sense to me, but I am so thankful that The Lord chose to work in my life the way he did.

     I grew up in a wonderful Christian home, and I can remember going to church around the age of 7. One Sunday, a friend of mine was baptized. I saw how everyone praised her and told her how proud they were, and I wanted that. I talked to my mom about getting baptized and spent a while in the preachers office, as he made sure I knew what it meant to give my life to Christ. I knew Jesus died for our sins. I knew I had to believe in him to be saved. I knew getting baptized was a testimony to others that I belonged to Christ, so I was baptized when I was eight. Though everyone explained everything to me well, and many people showed me what a follower of Christ looks like, somehow I did not understand that Christianity is grace. My selfishness and pride led me to believe that if I did enough good things, God would love me. I thought being a Christian meant being a good person, and I worked hard to make sure people saw me that way. In high school, I was at church as often as I could be. I helped with the children's ministry, lead a Bible study for middle school girls, went to every camp I could, and even went on a mission trip. I was the perfect Christian girl, but I never felt good enough. I always felt lost.

     Moving off to college was a new and exciting experience. I met an amazing group of believers and immediately got plugged in with their group. I had so many new friends who had a passion for Christ, yet I still felt lost. During the first few weeks of school, I had met this girl named Alex, and we quickly became best friends. One weekend, toward the end of our freshman year, we were driving home together, and she asked me how I knew I had salvation. I had never thought about it before. I had nothing to give as an answer. It bothered me a little, but I shrugged it off and convinced myself I was fine. I came back to school after the summer ready for another great year of college. About a month into the year I was at a college worship service. The speaker was talking about the story of Mary and Martha. Martha was busy doing things for Jesus, while Mary simply sat at his feet. In that moment, The Lord told me that I was Martha. I wanted to impress him and do all these things for him, but I was able to sit and listen to him. He revealed to me that I was not a Christian and I would not be saved by all my works. I had to give my life to him and accept his grace. On October 4, 2011, I truly gave my life to him and accepted his grace.

     For a while I struggled with why he would allow me to go so long without really knowing him. Why would he let me lead all these other students, when I didn't have his Spirit? Why would he allow me to go on mission trips, when I didn't know him myself? Why would he let me live a life so full of pride for so long?

     I now understand his plan a little better than I did back then. He continued to persue me while I was trying to earn my salvation and living my life so selfishly. Because he spent almost 20 years drawing me to himself, I have such a greater understanding of his love. I am constantly overwhelmed with his love for me. Without going on the mission trips I went on, I would not be willing to go where he wants me to now. If I had not spent so much time working with the youth and being taught by my church family in Lamesa, I would not have the connection with them that I do now. The Lord has used everything in my life to lead me to the season I am in now. His sovereignty has given me such an amazing testimony. His love, grace, and sovereignty has completely changed my life, and I am so thankful to be counted as his.